Grave Marker

Share now
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin

Grave Marker

Depression makes me wish it was my name on the grave marker and not my best friend.  [He died of] Leukemia. Quite a few times in the last 6 months, were I thought he was lucky because he wasn’t here anymore. And I don’t know, and some feelings of anger towards God because God took him and not me. I’m feeling better, now. Still questions on why he had to go so soon. But now not putting myself in his place. A lot of time with depression you would rather be, you know people don’t understand depression. If you are just to tell them that you would rather be dead, rather than feel the pain of depression. I have talked with [healthcare provider] and with my wife, that I just want the pain to end. When you are feeling good then it isn’t a problem but when you are depressed you just feel the pain going on forever. You just want a quick fix, you want to feel better, why not just end it. You don’t want to wait for the meds because when you are feeling that way you don’t think it will end. I don’t think there is anything one can do or say.  [But, what helps me is that ] I don’t give up and I don’t take the easy way out.  It goes back to my family– When I see them they keep me from…ending my life.  [My wife] keeps me on my meds. The little guy, especially because he is such a sweet heart. It is my way of staying alive. I hope if other people who are thinking of ending their life, would think about who it will effect, who they are living behind.