Do Not Enter

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Do Not Enter

This picture has to do with shutting people out. When I’m feeling depressed I don’t want anyone around. I have a sister that I love dearly and she loves my boys and dog. She comes over all the time. But when I’m feeling depressed I don’t want her around, I want to hang this sign on my door. The only one I want around when I’m feeling down is my wife. When I’m feeling down I don’t want people to see me because depression is sign of weakness. I don’t want people to see me weak. I don’t want people to cheer me up. That is the kind of stuff that she would do, I don’t want to talk about it. I just don’t want to talk about it. Then she asked about the job [that I lost] and she played with the dog but I didn’t feel like talking about it.  She texted me later and apologized for upsetting me. I just didn’t want to talk about it.  She wants to help and I can understand that. I love her dearly but she is the last one I want to talk to about this. The sign itself really could not help but the meaning behind it is that I don’t want people coming into my brain, cheering me up, and I know it is not a good way to do it.  [With other people I may tolerate them trying to cheer me up, but] not with my sister, but friends who have now moved, I remember them coming over and they did cheer me up and you get caught up in the moment and you do catch yourself smiling and chuckling and you do forget about your depression for a second. Well, I know the [mental health treatment staff] would say hang out with people that make you smile. But that is the last thing you want to do, you want to just crawl into your hole. Even just sitting here and knowing that it would be better for me, I still wouldn’t want them around even though you know it would be good for you. You are just so freaking miserable.  I guess it is important for the people who love me to be persistent, for others I wouldn’t recommend it, but for me I know I would like to set limits and then when that time is up then get the hell out of my house. So then you are getting both. As for friends, (grave stone photo) was my friend, I grew up with him.  He was my 1 close friend and now I don’t have.