This is after I went up the hill and looked at another trail. Once you get up that first hill, then you get there, and you see that you have to go so much further or go up another hill. I felt defeated. I make it to my morning class and stay awake and it’s only 10 a.m. It’s just kind of hard for me. Some days you work really hard for something and you aren’t even half done.
Having a mental illness or struggling with one is a very up and down type feeling. Especially for me because I am being treated for a possible mood disorder. I can look back and see how I was all over the place or reached new levels of emotion. I haven’t realized I have been up and down the past year. Especially when I get to the top and see another hill. I wonder if it’s worth trying. If I am still here a year later, I haven’t quit. I just kept trekking. Referring to the earlier photo, if it’s a foggy day, it takes me longer and it’s more difficult. I just try to remember that everyone has their ups and downs and you don’t know what to expect. Hopefully you have resources and it will work out in the end. Educating people that it is like a winding path, there is no finish line, you have to go through a lot to get through recovery. I think it’s something I am always going to be chasing. I don’t view myself as being recovered. Like being the person I was before I was diagnosed, you almost reinvent yourself. All the things I have learned over the last year. I am definitely not the person I was. I like to think I have become a better person. Everyone should know recovery can be in sight of what they are dealing with. It is in sight.