Board Room And Empty Chairs

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Board Room And Empty Chairs

Board room with empty chairs. This…represents my frustration with my medication and illness I have really isolated myself. I feel like I am irritable and cranky a lot of the time. I wanted to lash out at people at work when I would hear people talking about their weekend and having fun.  I think my depression and everything makes me feel alone like this and I was never like this before. I feel like I’ve become this person I do not even know. It makes me unsure of work situations and I worry that I am going to get myself into situations and don’t want to say something inappropriate. It has made my options pretty limited because I’m so dependent on this medication. For instance if I wanted to move back to Colorado, I can’t just pack up my car I have to have a care support set up there. I would need to have a therapist, and support out there but because of my medication I have to sit down and think about do I have enough medication to get through this week. I have to now think about what if I have an anxiety attach if I want to visit a friend. I’m not as open and flexible as I used to be. I have become super dependent on my medication, one time I was so fed up with being so tired and sedated that I said I was over it and stopped taking it and I went out drinking and ended up hospitalized and wanted to kill myself. I feel like I am dependent on the medication. That I don’t have control over my thoughts and feelings. I feel like I need it, but I’m attached to it.  If it is my choice I wouldn’t want to deal with all the medications. The other week I had to get one of the pill containers and literally had to dose out my week because it is so complicated and so many medications. This could educate others about how severe the side effects [impact] your day in and day out life. That is a big part of it and have an understanding of how and what might happen.  I’m not sure I was totally made aware of if I did not take my medication, at the time I did not realize how chemically it all works. I don’t think I knew about how bad it could be and that you should not stop taking medication unless you have talked to some about it first.